Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
