Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
