My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
