I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
