Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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