I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish life had little blips of pornography
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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