Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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