ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude i'm inner monologue high
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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