Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
