she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
