My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
