real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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