What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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