There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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