this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
