Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
