I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
