yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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