I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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