he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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