and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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