Do you still have your period?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
