Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
