okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
