The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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