I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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