All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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