I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
