is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
