Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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