I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
