The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
