did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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