i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
