Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
