People in love make me want to vomit
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
