i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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