she looked like the bat from fern gully.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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