i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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