I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
