Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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