Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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