i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
