so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
