At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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