life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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