your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You are the jesus of drinking
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
