I'm really into asian looking animals
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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