i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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