so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
