Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
