i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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