Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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