I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
