highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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