Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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