alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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