Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
