At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
