I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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