I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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