Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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