You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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