So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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