you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Pooping to opera.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
