Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
