OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
